Who all gone be there?

How many times have you been interested in a social gathering or event but you couldn’t fight the urge to ask the infamous question, “Who all gone be there?” I can’t speak for everyone, but I’m absolutely guilty. It’s all fun and games until a name or social group spews out and you are immediately triggered; reflecting on the most memorable time of discomfort that included those people or one person in particular. Y’all might say I’m reaching, but I live to get a conversation going. What if I said “Who all gone be there?” is actually a trauma response and a form of social anxiety? Hear me out, all trauma responses aren’t unhealthy; so let’s start there. In short, a trauma response is the body’s natural reaction to a feeling it just didn’t like. In most situations, you’ve encountered a person or their personality and left feeling betrayed, hurt, overwhelmed, or ultimately just mentally or emotionally drained and you never want to feel that way again. Some people don’t match your energy or vibe, so you’d much rather avoid the encounter at all cost and just not partake in the festivities at all. I am the biggest advocate for healing, but also for preservation of peace. However, at what point does “protecting your peace” crossover into avoidance of healing and growth?

We continue to push the narrative to do whatever you have to do to protect your peace, but are you really “protecting your peace” if asking who all gone be there deters you from attending or participating in something you would want to do otherwise? Would this not be some form of control that person or people have over what you ultimately want to do with your time? I recently posed a question asking would people be interested in joining an “Adulting” support group to address a variation of topics I find are most relatable and helpful to navigate troubling situations when you have support. In fun, and seriousness, “Who All Gone Be There?” was an optional response (in addition to yes and no) that 50% of the surveyors chose as their reply. This ignited the idea that a person will allow the presence of someone else to deter them from possibly gaining a community of support, resources, and answers to questions they never knew they needed. I also wondered how many people had a particular person in mind when they replied, and how old was their encounter with them. I know some of y’all still don’t like people from high school and I know personally I’ve probably been 12 different people since my senior year. It’s ok y’all, no shade, God still workin on me too!

How much better would life be if everyone dropped the version of you they once knew, and only judged you based on who you are today? If your today you isn’t better than the old you, we’ve just identified what you need to work on first. Nonetheless, *In my best Martin Luther King Jr. voice* I have a dream, that one day we’re all going to take chances first, and if necessary, politely decline second. One day, we’re going to realize we can always just leave if we don’t like where we showed up, not your job though unless you have a plan! Life is really easier than we make it. We laugh at memes on social media because we can often relate to each other more than we’d like to admit. I say all the time, this is all our first time doing this thing called Life. We don’t offer others grace but while you’re wishing you were a kid again, someone is thankful they’ve aged out of their traumatizing childhood. Maybe that strong personality that is too much for you is someone who was never allowed the space to express themselves until now. Maybe that person who betrayed you in the past wasn’t taught those same honorable lessons that were instilled in you early on. My point is, and of course depending on the setting and situation, if your intention is progressive it really doesn’t matter who all gone be there. Naturally, you gravitate to the environment that is more aligned with today’s you than the person you once were. So who exactly are you to judge if people you don’t care for are in those same spaces? There’s never a dull moment when self-reflection gets its turn. I now challenge us for today and everyday after to never allow “Who all gone be there?” the power to get in the way of your next opportunity for growth.