Survival Mode
A common struggle we all have experienced, and may still experience, is trying to make sense of other people’s choices that do not align with our morals or beliefs. We ask ourselves, How could they? Why did they? We then convince ourselves that we could never do such a thing to something or someone we claim to care so much about. Many factors can be considered when navigating character and integrity: upbringing, experience, trauma, fear of consequences, etc… There are feelings I’ve felt before that I’d never wish on my worst enemy, and things I witness I constantly pray away from myself and the people I love. However, have you ever been in survival mode and had no choice but to choose what was in your or your family’s benefit more than it was in the favor of anyone else?
I know we’ve all heard the saying “You never know what someone else is going through,” but have you ever sat and truly considered the idea of what someone else’s survival mode looks like? Whether they are trying to preserve their peace, finances, or sanity; that would require them to choose whatever they have to, over you. Where we falter is forgetting to account for their vices, self-control, and internal struggles. For example, if validation is what drives a person you cannot expect to be chosen over what ultimately fuels that person to keep going. If validation does not drive you, I wouldn’t expect for you to understand that person’s choice. The same goes for money, addiction, companionship, and status. If a person holds their value to these things, their survival is dependent on their prioritization of them. However, this is where the test of where you hold your value comes in.
How often are you letting your expectations determine your emotional response to other people’s choices? These are choices that they feel the need to make for their survival. Your opinion of their choice is solely based on what YOU feel YOU would do based on your experience or personal survival. There is no right or wrong, only subjective justification. I’ve been cornered into reflecting on my emotional responses in my professional life as a therapist, my personal life as a loved one, and especially my role as a single parent. I am also a walking testament to God’s promise that he will never leave nor forsake you. Whatever choice someone makes that does not align with your personal beliefs should fuel you only to make choices that do. Your character is determined by who you present to be at all times, even in survival. Choose your tribe by whose character and integrity are in alignment with yours even when times get tough.
People’s personal choices involving you are not a determination of your value, but what they feel like they need to do to survive their struggles in that moment or phase of their life. I encourage you today and every day after to choose wisely and remain grateful even when you are not chosen. This is God’s way of making room for you to choose and be chosen by people who are not only looking to survive but who also want to thrive with you in recovery. Choose people who want for you what they want for themselves and do not need to step on your toes to get there. As long as you remain steadfast in the belief that what is for you will always be for you, your perspective of being in survival mode becomes more hopeful than hopeless.
When you pray for patience, you’ll be given situations to test your patience. When you pray for wisdom, you’ll encounter situations that require you to be wise. When you experience people who are in mental, physical, or spiritual survival mode, your growth will be tested in ways for the test to prove you haven’t grown at all. A bloomed flower doesn’t close to make the buds around them feel pretty. Never dishonor your growth to meet those lower standards where they are trying to meet you. Remember your character and integrity are determined by who you are at all times, even when no one is looking. Everyone has a past, but what matters is now. So I encourage you to choose not to take anything personally and understand others are on their growth journey like you once were. I encourage you to choose grace, choose forgiveness, and always choose to be the best version of yourself.
